Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Pulling A Carrie Bradshaw

I've always been curious about why things happen the way they do. This week I've been pondering the little quirks that come with having a relationship. Most specifically, the things that happen only when you are in a relationship. So here's my Carrie moment:

Why is it when you are single it seems you are never approached, only meet men that you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy and can't find a decent date even if you paid an escort to go out with you but the minute you commit to someone you suddenly become the world's most sought out woman?

Why is it I couldn't get a date during my years of being a singleton but now I get hit on fairly often? And for those of you out there who are single but get hit on weekly or even daily and wonder what is wrong with me that I don't...well, you are gorgeous creatures with beautiful bodies who wear hip & stylish clothes and always have perfect makeup. I am an average looking woman who doesn't own a lot of clothing and wears minimal makeup 'cause I never learned how to do my face properly. You have the advantage. Relish it.

Back to the topic at hand. I have been hit on at the grocery store and the gas station. I've been leered at by a man standing next to his car as I walked up 6th to Congress. Well, he could've been leering at Frederick, which is usually the case, but I'm fairly certain he kissed his fingers at me when we passed. Probably because I was staring back at him. He was hot in that Latino kind of rough trade way. On second thought, he probably was looking at Freddy. But there's no mistaking that the man who hit on me in Lowe's was looking at anyone else. His come on was the most original line I've ever gotten: "Are you Hawaiian?". For those of you reading my blog who don't know what I look like, let me clue you in on why that line is so amusing. Despite being of mixed race (Anglo dad, Latina mom) I am total white bread city looking kind of woman. Brown hair, fair skin, blue eyes. Yeah, I'm Hawaiian. It did make me smile that a guy wanted to talk to me badly enough to ask a completely random out-of-thin-air question. He was very nice and complimented my eyes and smile before I sent him on his way down the paintbrush aisle by telling him that "no, I'm not married, but I have a boyfriend". I've been hit on by single men as well as married men, their gold wedding rings glinting as they raise their drink to the lips that moments before whispered an adulterous suggestion. I've been hit on by women, both single and those whose girlfriend at home would surely beat me to a pulp if they knew I had the sassy audacity to seize their lover's attention.

I think that the "opportunities" that start sliding across our social inbox is the Relationship Fairy's system of checks and balances. It's the angel and devil on each shoulder method of weeding out people who are ready for relationships and those who aren't. Or maybe it's the universe's way of balancing things out by giving one person the power to pay back the bad karma of their partner. If that's true, then my boyfriend must be taking someone else out at least twice a week. I was not a nice person to be in a relationship with for oh, say, most of my 20's, so I know I racked up a lot of bad karma. Or maybe it's nothing but bad timing and complimentary coincidence. And people who can't seem to find happiness through faithfulness. God knows I have at least one serial adulterer in my group of acquaintances. He loves his wife and would never leave her but has ongoing relationships all over town.

I think most people who are in relationships will find someone else that captures their interest and piques their sexual appetite and I bet it happens not once or twice but many times throughout a lifetime. And others will be captivated by you and approach you with either charming openers or silly questions. I'm sure many marriages fail and long term relationships end because the freshness, the spark has faded and one party starts to long for that exciting time of flattery and flirting, of furtive glances and the first delicious kiss. I believe that you can rekindle romances instead of stepping outside of them, but obviously most of the country doesn't share my opinion. A provisional estimate from the National Center for Health Statistics has the nation's divorce rate at 38%. Wow. Now not all of that is due to someone forgetting the part where you vow to be faithful to your partner, but it's still a staggering figure.

I think, to paraphrase one of my favorite movie quotes, some of us are always dancing with one eye on the door, looking for the next best thing while others see that while the grass may be greener on the other side of the fence, the garden you've cultivated has deeper roots. As for me, I'll meet all compliments and come on's with a smile and a thank you and later happily share with my boyfriend that someone else found me desirable. I'll admire the beautiful slant of a cheekbone, stare lustily at someone's sensuous full lips, sneak peeks at gorgeous muscled lines down some hardbodied man's torso, heck I'll even openly gawk at a hottie at Town Lake and I always flirt outrageously when provoked...but I'm happy at home and quite content to stay that way. What are your thoughts?

13 comments:

Frederick Reinhardt said...

Since you asked, Glenn. 'Nuff said. People have ALWAYS looked at you in a romantical manner...you've just refused to take note or action...until it's too late. Hmmmmm. Sabotage or saboteur...that’s the real question. Don't hate. Like I said, you asked.

Don't you hate the people that know you the best! :-)

Kaya said...

::::blushing:::: Thanks for the compliment. As for Glenn, I did admire him from afar but waited until I was free to go out with him. I do know what you mean by the sabotage or saboteur question. I think plenty people sabotage their relationships this wyay.

Missychel said...

AMEN SISTA!! What is the deal with that? I think that when you are happy in your relationship your phermones must be sweeter or something or I am just turning into a dirty old lady in my mid 30's. Who know? All I do know is that I bask in the looks, flirtling winks and turned heads.I know that one of these days that will all stop so bring it on while the ass is still tight and the boobs are still perky My husband loves it because that's just one less drink he has to spend his money on and he get's attacked once we get home:)....gggrrrr

Juliabohemian said...

yeah I got hit on when I was pregnant fairly regularly and occasionally when I have my children. My theory is that some guys look at us as safe practicing targets for honing their flirting skills.

TwinKim said...

Even I, the ancient twin, occasionally get hit on. It's fun and an ego boost, even when you know it's completely innocent. I know that for me, being in a relationship where I trusted completely and therefore did not need to hold on to any untruths or insecurities about myself helped me be completely and honestly me. That was a big pull for a lot of folks.

The trick is to know when to hold them, know when to fold them, know when to walk away and know when to run....I never flirted back unless I was certain that it was an innocent expression and never, ever if I was truly tempted!

Gwendolyn said...

I would say that you probably exude a lot more confidence now that you are in a relationship you love...people respond to that. Not to mention that little glow you have that no guy can resist.

It truly is a great feeling when some hottie hits on you and you realize how completely hes not worth it compared to what you have at home....why question that? thats love...and just the world reminding you that.

ESPECIALLY when hes just been a complete ass and you still would choose him over silly temptation..umm, not that i really have experience on the matter :)

Kaya said...

Great comments, all of you! Thanks for the sweet words, too. I guess I am "more" than I think I am, physically speaking. I have to agree with Kim, even though she quoted Kenny Rogers, that I feel much more confident and am comfortable in who I am. I have felt more beautiful in the last year than ever in my life. I'm sure that my attitude has something to do with it. When a woman feels like a sexy siren, who can resist?

I think the key is a combo of enjoying the attention/attraction but knowing when to drain the last drop of your cocktail and announce to the enthralled one that you are going home to your boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband. And then, like Chel, turning that sparked libido into a wild romp with the one you love. Rarrr!

Anonymous said...

You are a hottie stick insect.

Relationships all over town hey??

Kaya said...

Awwww...I'm getting some love from my Wisconsin Anonymous! Besitos to you, my lovely.

Well, from what I hear...there's at least one ongoing affair, but my field agents have reported false information before, so take it with a grain of salt. Hell, take it with a full and frosty margarita glass rimmed in salt. Cheers!

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