Monday, August 01, 2005

Penis Enlargement, Skydive Safer Than Sex! & Egg Donors Needed

I think everyone who picks up the Austin Chronicle looks at the back, at the section labeled "Back Page". It's where we find some of the most unusual ads, not counting the personals, especially Variations (which rate a posting all on their own). There are ads for drugs that will enlarge your penis "Viagra, Cialis, Testosterone, FDA approved Pumps Gain 1-3" permanently", ads for Skydive San Marcos "Since 1984. Best rates in Tx." and ladies, if you are willing to give up your eggs you can be paid $3500. Just call (877) EGG-DONOR.

The Back Page ads are a hodgepodge of solicitation. Several are geared toward ensuring the Gay/Bi community members have an active social life...others are about learning languages (Spanish & French), training to become a paralegal, Yoga, Rolfing, massage therapy, methadone clinics, Wheel of Life journeys, semen donation, belly dance dinner theatre, passing any drug test, free salsa lessons, taking charge of your life with Holographic Repatterning, airbrush tanning and so much more. I have to wonder about Corey & Michelle, the couple with the 877 number who posted their ad seeking a newborn to adopt. They'll pay your expenses and reassure you that your child will receive "unlimited love, financial security, full time, stay at home Mom & devoted Dad". Why are they looking for the mother of their future child on a page where you can find information for "Private hot tub rentals $50-1/2 hr. $100-hr. Couples discount. 3pm Til 4am."?

I also wonder about the ad for surrogate motherhood. The ad says "Very special, loving women needed to carry infertile couples' Child. You are not asked to carry your own biological child." It also states "Fee Paid For Time & Services". Who decides how much money is appropriate for 9 months rent inside my uterus, plus any medical issues incurred during pregnancy? And how can that child not be somewhat my own biological child when my blood is carrying nourishment to the baby? Big questions. Good thing I don't ever plan on becoming a surrogate mother.

I was disappointed that there was only one ad for alternate religion. "Magick Happens" at The Yellow House on RR12 in Wimberly. Huh. Who knew? Normally there are ads for Austin pagan societies or for a Wiccan meet and great at a local coffee house. Not this week. There was one ad about the Walk of the Ancestors, where you can "explore your spiritual heritage to 9 generations". Hmmph. I didn't like quite a few of my more recent generation ancestors. I think I'll pass and wait for an invitation to join a Pease Park soul clearing drumming session guaranteed to break the pattern of energy distortion. Now that sounds entertaining.


Juliabohemian said...

Oh there is no way that I would give out my eggs! don't people realize that's like having another child - your own flesh and blood - running around out there somewhere. I couldn't stand it!

on the other side of that. I would totally be a surrogate mother. It pays very well and I have a body made for carrying children. My labors are short and easy. I think if I were desperate enough for money or if one of my siblings asked me to, I would do it. For them I would do it for free though.

you forgot to put in the ad about becoming indoctrinated as a minister for only $24.95

Kaya said...

Alas, there were no ads to become a minister in the last issue of the Chronicle.

Estelle said...

Hmmm... I've offered eggs to anyone who needs them, but, actually, gay people only. I would not do it for a straight couple, because they can adopt much more easily than a gay couple can.
Interesting articles. We have the city pages here... which are even worse than what you describe. However, I would not advertise for a baby in such a publication. Or maybe I would... it's probably cheap and who knows who reads it?

Kaya said...

I was shocked to find out that I am too old to sell my eggs. I forget what the cutoff age is, but it was earlier 30's than I am. Not that I have any inclination to sell them. And not that I've used them....damn I'm a selfish woman! Wait a sec, let me qualify: an old selfish woman. My friend Freddy says my eggs are so old they're hardboiled. I've passed my expiraton date!