Drapery Woes

Why is it some household chores are super simple and others require an engineering degree? On Saturday I was at Frank’s new place, helping him choose which new drapes would go in the bedrooms and living room. A good bit of time was spent in the elimination process before deciding to return two sets of drapes and rods to Pottery Barn. After mourning the loss of the rich and sensual redwood raw silk drapes, we decided to hang the ones he kept (fabulous lichen green silk drapes with honey linen sheer) in his bedroom. That is when we learned that curtain hanging is best left to professionals. The rods came with “hidden hardware” a three hole mounting bracket to which the decorative piece that holds the rod would attach to…in a perfect world. Frank, who had hung curtains in every other place he’s lived in, was completely pissed off by the third time he drilled holes in the wall for the first bracket. Try as he might, each time we passed the rod through the holders, the left side slanted up noticeably. There was also a minor fiasco with the drywall mounts. By the time he gave up and walked away, he was so frustrated I had fled the room in fear of being bludgeoned with a curtain rod. Not that he was giving any warning signs of taking out his aggravation on me, but I figured it was better to be safe than sorry. I contained myself to the living room, folded his laundry like a good girlfriend and stayed out of the way until he stalked out of the bedroom and attacked the sticker residue on the patio door glass with a razor blade. Yup, good idea to get out from underfoot.

I gave it a moment and then went in to see if I could be any help at all. I’m not stupid, neither is Frank, but I was clueless. All I did was tighten the first bracket a little and wondered aloud where the last bracket should go until Frank came back and tried again. He mounted the final rod holder and we realized the curtain rod had no room to pass through the rods unless one of the holders at the end was off. Grrrr. So, he took off the first holder and we threaded the rod through the others with the loose holder dangling on the end. Finally, both rods were up with the curtains and sheers on. I stepped back against the far wall and was relieved to note that the drapes were hanging straight. Frank looked at his watch, realized how many hours it took to hang one set of curtains and decided it was well worth the money to hire someone to hang the rest. I won’t argue…it’s well worth the money to spare him the irritation. And me from death by window treatment.