I was invited to join a group of ladies known about town as the Foodies for their prime time Saturday night event, The Big Mingle and Happy Baby Auction. TBM&HBA is a festive singles event that guarantees you'll get a date. More on that in a minute. First let me state that no, I have not been booted from my S. Austin Love Shack. As exasperating as I may be, I'm also tenacious. My delicious BF hasn't yet figured out a way to be rid of me and shows signs of throwing in the towel and accepting that his fate is to love me and overlook my neuroses. It's helpful that I'm cute. And that I'm hacking away at my psychosis on my own. (Please, no emails with links to group therapy web sites).
Back to the Foodies. If you are a single woman who loves women, I suggest joining them at the ultra hip Progress Coffee for an evening that may start you on the path to picking out china patterns, or at the very least sharing an REI membership. It's like this, you walk in, grab a number that corresponds with a slot in a conveniently displayed mailbox...get a cup of coffee or other beverage and start casing the room. If you're like me, you'll adopt the wounded wildebeast mentality. No, that doesn't mean you'd try to discern which woman is the most desperate and go talk to her. Instead, you shoot the moon and talk to the sexiest woman in the joint. Once you're turned down, the other singles who have all been watching will immediately scratch the Not To Be Had one off their list and seek you out to offer comfort in your time of need.
When you find a woman you'd like to talk to, simply write a note explaining you'd like to go out for a cup of coffee or dinner and promise not to bring a U-Haul. [Side note: If any of the Ro's reading this do not understand the reference to a moving van, please email me for an explanation.] Drop the note into the box marked with Her Hotness's number and wait to see what happens. Meanwhile, your mailbox will be filled with little notes from women who witnessed your crash and burn and admired your cheekiness and obvious confidence. You'll have ample time to plan your approach, or you can log onto the Foodies website after the soiree and go to the Playing with Numbers forum to send messages to your future love(s) o'your life.
The guaranteed part of the night comes with the Happy Baby Auction. Simply put, just buy a woman. What's a Saturday night without a Sister of Sappho on the auction block? Just like buying a load of cocktails in order to gain a few hours of her time, you'll drag out your money and cut out the middle man by bidding on your babe du jour. Guaranteed date and possibly for less than the price of four Long Island Ice Teas and bartender tips.
For those of you curious (including the bi-curious) about other Foodie events, please peruse their site and sign up to be emailed details of future entertaining diversions.