Sing it with me. "867-5309, eight six seven five three oh ni-uh-ine". How many times have you given out this phone number instead of your own? C'mon, we've all done it. We've all given out a wrong number on purpose a time or two. Sometimes even with the wrong name. I have a friend whose favorite bar name, Justin, is nowhere close to his real name. I've had bar names myself. One memorable Port Aransas weekend, Darci, Julie and I became Anita Mann, Ivanna Rideyou and Alotta something that I can't remember now. We'd bet each other drinks that the drunk guy approaching one of us wouldn't blink an eye at the double entendre psuedonym. Most didn't. And we all got pretty toasted that night.
I thought I'd heard it all when it comes to people giving out wrong numbers, wrong names or heck, their friends' names and numbers instead of their own. Today I heard a tale that amused me greatly. The names have been changed to protect the innocent, or at least so some of you out there don't guess and start your own phone call campaign. I have a friend we'll call Jeri. For some time now, Jeri has been getting frequent calls at the traditional "bar just closed" time around 2:30am. The guys will leave drunken messages along the lines of "Hi Jeri, this is ____. Umm, you said it was okay to call anytime..." wink wink nudge nudge. As if you want to meet for coffee at 3am. She's also been getting regular phone calls where the person asks for her by name, strikes up a conversation and shortly both parties realize they don't know each other. The calls and messages were starting to increase and it became obvious that the other Jeri spends a lot of time in bars meeting men. A lot of men. The other Jeri is living la vida loca.
Jeri was getting annoyed and decided to put a stop to the calls. She started asking people what number they thought they'd dialed so that she could call the other Jeri and resolve the problem. At the very least ask Jeri Two to please ensure that the correct phone number is given out or, if it is a purposeful wrong number, to give a totally different number than either of their's. And maybe, possibly to counsel Jeri Two on the potential dangers in a party girl world. So she called. And got his voice mail. Yes, the other one is Jerry, a gay man who is apparently quite popular. And that explains the slutty behavior, says Jeri.
Why didn't someone realize the mixup sooner? Jeri's voice is a little deeper than most girl's and Jerry's voice is a little higher than most boy's. A kacheery guy calling up for love wouldn't realize he'd reached a female, especially because Jeri's message says something like "you've reached Jeri, leave a message". Even funnier is that Jeri's spouse, Tiffany (yes, they are lesbians) had decided a while back that J2 was a man. So...Jerry's tricks are booty callin' Jeri the lesbian. Can you just imagine? Seriously, I can't make up stories this hilarious. Have you ever heard of a more amusing coincidence?
Jeri did leave Jerry a voice mail about the mixed up numbers and missed messages. There's been no response from Jerry. It's Halloween, a high holy day in the gay life. He's been far too busy making new "friends" to call back.