Isabella is a very stubborn girl

The arrival of my grrniece is imminent. Her mother is hanging out in the hospital room, trying to dilate and ignoring hunger pangs. Her father is playing the waiting game as well, and probably wondering if it's okay for him to eat lunch if Lisa can't. I would suggest that John sneak out under the guise of some small errand such as getting a newspaper or fetching a magazine for Lisa and hit the hospital cafeteria. If he's smart he won't let on that he's downed a barely digestible tray of food that normally wouldn't appeal to my niece except on this one day that she's been denied sustenance. Surely the man who landed Lisa, the younger version of me, has enough brain cells to deduce that making an announcement that he's going to grab a cheeseburger would lead to serious trouble. And bringing food back to the room would be worse. You simply don't flaunt your food when a Marley Girl is hungry but can't eat.

My mid-morning phone call to Lisa provided the following information:

• The drugs they've been giving her since midnight last night have yet to kickstart the dilation process.
• There have been no real labor pains.
• Isabella's heartbeat, which is being broadcast into the room via a heart rate monitor, is the same rhythm as the beat for AC/DC's "Problem Child" song.
• The latest measurements show that Isabella is a bellyfull. She's topping 9lbs.
• Everyone, probably including housekeeping, has had a peek at Lisa's hoohah.
• If she doesn't start labor soon, Isabella gets to arrive in this world without a conehead...a c-section will be performed.

I'll be a grrtía soon.