Grouchy, Grumpy, Petulant & Peevish

I haven't been myself lately. I've been crabby and cranky and picking fights. I've been moody and down. I have not been my normal self. I'm zig zagging through emotions so fast you'd think I was abusing black market hormones. So I took some time last night for me in an attempt to figure out what the hell is going on. And I did.

It seems that lately, all my friends and family are going through changes. Most of them big changes. And all those changes are a move forward in life. My Dad retired and has stayed retired (inside family joke) and has never been happier. My Mom is now, at the start of the "golden years", the breadwinner in the family. Ironic when at the start of their marriage she stayed home while Dad worked. My sister and brother-in-law are searching for a new house, one that is larger and newer than the current home. Frederick and Jed have become parents. Adrian is changing everyday. He'll be walking soon, and I'm convinced, talking. Darla's fast growing Max actually did graduate from puppy kindergarten (much to our mutual surprise). Heather is settling into her new house. Corrie is discovering deeper relationships within her family than she's enjoyed in many years. Vicki is dragging her boyfriend, whom we hope will become her husband, to look at potential new homes so she can move out of her high maintenance one and into something that requires less work. Frank will be closing on his condo soon...the building is almost complete. Leslie is finishing up her summer classes at ACC before starting back at U.T. as a Textiles major (woohoo!) in the fall.

What am I doing? Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Sittin' still. Stagnating. Sleepwalking. At least it feels that way deep down in my psyche. Yes, I know I recently finished a triathlon and a 10K. And I'm admittedly halfheartedly training for the half marathon in September. I need to get off my nalgas and do some real training or those 13.1 miles will be the death of me. I'm still running down the pro's and con's of foster parenthood but haven't reached a conclusion. Other than that...what am I accomplishing? I feel like everyone is moving on...moving forward...moving away from me. I feel like I'm running down the street behind the busload of Success screeching "Wait for me! Wait for me!" before giving up, eating dust and walking to the curb.

So now that I've identified the root of the problem, let's cut to the chase: What's a girl to do? Indulge in a pint of chocolate ice cream and a good cry? Become bitter and sour and begrudge the accomplishments of everyone around me? Win the Lotto? All of those are out...well, maybe the ice cream is a good idea. But crying leaves pin point bruises under my eyes and maintaining a bad attitude takes too much energy. I will buy a lottery ticket tonight, though. Never hurts. And I keep telling myself that despite the faint smell of corruption surrounding our Lottery Commission lately, some of the price of my ticket will benefit education. Yeah, that's it.

I don't have any answers except now that I know what the issue is...and that it is most definitely my issue...I have no choice but to stop being a grump and no fun and administer a swift kick to my own backside (a Cirque du Soleil-ish feat) and "snap out of it!" as Cher's character says in the movie "Moonstruck". I am reminding myself that life is not a competition. The only goals I have to meet or exceed are the ones I set for myself. And stop being so scared. Fear is a destroyer. I am not being left behind. I might be on the sidelines, but I'm still here.

Change can be a little frightening at times but it almost always turns out fabulous. While I'm at it, I can relish the "new and improved" areas of the lives around me. I can celebrate the excitement of a new home, talk about boyfriends with potential and giggle over the tingly delicious taste of a relationship that is going well. I can stop treating my life as if it isn't good enough, noteworthy or heaven help me, stuck in an airplane holding pattern while the sweaty man with onion breath in the seat next to me keeps brushing his arm against mine.

Would I be too naive if I believe that just by identifying why I was acting in such an out of character manner that now I have no need to do so? I think not. I am embracing the thought that with the knowledge of why comes the action of understanding; the ability to now move beyond the black mood, leave behind the feelings of inadequacy and step back into my comfortable existence of living, loving, learning, yearning and being me, feeling like me and growing beyond myself to a better me.

"Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours." (Swedish proverb)

Silicon Labs Marathon Relay Pics

This just in...fabu pics from the 4th of July Marathon Relay. Apparently the photographers were entranced by Leslie. Numerous photos of her plus some girl-on-girl bibbing that grabbed at least one photog's attention. Love the pic of Frank---check out those legs! All of us look fresh & lovely even though were were secretly melting in the summer heat. Here is the link for you to enjoy these action photos .

Just for the Halibut!

We finally celebrated Frank's birthday. His birthday dinner out was postponed due to a New Mexico work trip, his call schedule and to give him time to finish moving out of his apartment. It was well worth the wait. I had arranged for us to go to Cafe Caprice , the traditional French meets American "fusion" restaurant in the cozy old home formerly occupied by Basil's. The owners, Paul & Joni Constantine are the ultimate of hands on leadership. Paul is the chef and Joni runs the front of the house. With Joni's help, I chose our menu ahead of time in order to have a decision-free evening for the birthday boy.

We arrived and were seated immediately and introduced to our server, Kelly. Glasses of a semi-sweet Gunderloch gewürztraminer were served along with a complimentary tidbit to tide us over until our appetizers arrived. What a nice concept! The little cashew curry bites were a unique taste and went well with our wine, as did the shrimp and grilled corn salad on tostones and hot chick pea fries with smoked salmon, capers, anchovy mayonnaise and a touch of diced tomato and red onion. The chick pea fries were incredible--a light but earthy flavor that is perfectly paired with the salmon. You'll never think of a bagel and lox again after trying this dish. The delicate fries make a bagel seem like a brick.

After clearing our appetizer plates, Kelly placed a complimentary basket of sourdough, rye bread and mini muffins on the table. We indulged a bit while waiting for our next course. For our entrees, I had ordered a half bottle of La Crema Pinot Noir and was happy with the flavor although it is a bit bold for our tastes. Frank was very happy with his house smoked ribeye and warm potato salad (more house fries than any potato salad I'm familiar with). The restaurant serves an original recipe worcestershire sauce that tastes nothing like the bottled variety. I can honestly say that it will be next to impossible for me to use Lea & Perrin's ever again after enjoying Cafe Caprice's version of the steak sauce. My halibut was the highlight of my dining experience. Not a regular menu item, the thick filet was sauteed and paired with a shallot malt vinegar butter sauce. I almost licked my plate. Had our table been any more secluded I would have. The tangy but subtle sauce was pefection. It complimented rather than overpowered the sweet flavor of the halibut. My Yukon Gold mashers disappeared almost as fast as my halibut, and I swirled all remaining sauce into them before literally scraping my plate clean with my fork. We also had sides of fresh veggies, but they served more to highlight the main portions than as standouts on their own. Dessert was a house creation dubbed Austin Cream Pie, a light but decadent dessert with a dark chocolate shell...mmmm! Kelly served it with a sparkler birthday candle and Frank and I both wished on it before blowing it out. Cafe Caprice definitely served up a delightful meal. The service was excellent and the popularity of the almost two year old establishment firmly in place, if having every table filled on a Friday night is any indication of success.

After dinner, we joined a few friends at the Mean Eyed Cat for drinks and fun. Jake and I played a few abysmal but enjoyable games of pool, proving yet again that those dreadful geometry classes I was forced to take in high school taught me absolutely nothing about angles. We celebrated Todd's return stateside from his work in Germany...laughed it up with Emma & her crew...and Michelle and I tried our best to get into trouble but alas, we were the most well behaved trollops in the place. Countless pitchers of beer were served but thankfully Frank's calls for shots were not met as the MEC does not serve hard liquor. We stayed out entirely too late but it was a good celebration, even if it was 2 1/2 weeks overdue. Now we can move on to other celebrations, namely, it is now MY birthday month. Hee hee hee, it's all about me!

Saturday was spent mostly on the couch. Ahhh, fond memories of Saturday on the couch. I was there all of the morning and part of the afternoon. That evening we traveled far South, as far as you can go and still be in Austin, to Jackie's housewarming party. Her house is terrific! The backyard is the ultimate party arena, with a huge patio area and horseshoe throwing decks in front of the garden. Inside, it's all vaulted ceilings and sunny, open space. Her kitchen is marvelous and definitely the heart of the home.

Sunday was The Big Event of summer: Adrian's first birthday party. (I'd love to post pics of him eating his very first chocolate cupcake(s) but my fear of weirdo perverted pedophiles keeps me from doing so. You never know who may be reading my blog.) The party was held at Brentwood Park and even though it was hot, we had a wonderful time. Adie was passed from person to person and we all managed to keep him from eating pebbles despite his best efforts. He was joined by all his adult friends and family (Diva YaYa and the Grandparents Reinhardt came to town) as well as Allah & D'Avion. Allah & D' had a great time with the miniature kites from their goodie bags. We were all estatic to learn from Sherry, their foster mom, that the boys will be placed for adoption as a sibling group. Although they are not related by blood, they have lived together since infancy. To separate them for adoptive placement would be horrible, but was a possibility when one of the birth mothers decided she wanted her son back. Luckily, when the court was running behind she stated that she couldn't put her life on hold and had to leave to go pick up her check. For some, money is more important than children. The boys will find a home of their own with loving parents. Great news!

The Frederick & Jed imposed "no gifts" rule wasn't quite broken but was bent fairly well by a few, notably Grandma Reinhardt with her numerous "trip gifts not birthday gifts". Adie racked up college fund money to the tune of $400 from those of us who obeyed the no gift rule. There were a few sanctioned gifts, including Wade, Adrian's new Cabbage Patch doll. Adie loves Wade. He'd grab him by the hair and pull his face up to his in order to chew on him. Mmmm, Wade tastes like chicken! Adrian had a wonderful time and passed out on the stroller ride back to the house. The first set of pics has hit Freddy's snapfish account...be prepared to ooh and aaah over 100 of them! The other papparazzi will be sharing their photos soon. Adrian is growing so fast...he's crawling at lightening speed and will soon be walking. He's already taken two unassisted steps. Way to go, baby!!

Hope you enjoyed hearing about my weekend. Leave me a comment and tell me about your's!

Channeling Betty Crocker, Marathon Relay and The War of the Worlds makes for a full holiday weekend!

I sometimes wonder if other people are like me. I read cookbooks for fun. I can look at a recipe and, unless there are ingredients that I'm just not familiar with, imagine how it will taste. Combine, whip, fold, mix, blend this with my love of cooking and desire to try new flavors and foods and most of the time I'll end up with a meal that surprises me by turning out restaurant-quality. Granted, I still remember my worst cooking disaster. Years later I wonder if the smell of charred banana leaves and burnt cochinita pibil is still clinging to the sheetrock of the kitchen where I commited that culinary crime. Live and learn!

This weekend brought several cooking opportunities, as I took advantage of the large kitchen of the home where Frank is housesitting. Saturday evening I decided to try prosciutto-wrapped scallops paired with a mixed greens salad with gorgonzola dulce, diced Comice pear and a balsamic vinegar pear viniagrette and rosemary baked potatoes. The scallops were super easy since all I did was sprinkle them with a little sea salt and freshly ground pepper before wrapping a slice of prosciutto around them. I pan grilled them for one minute each side in a little bit of sesame oil. I was very surprised that my viniagrette turned out so well. I don't make salad dressings often and was experimenting with pear infused balsamic vinegar and sesame oil. It was a tart, zingy, tasty viniagrette. Sunday brunch was a yummy one as well. I made omelettes with homegrown tomato, crispy grilled hot soppressata (an Italian cured pork salami with red peppers mixed in), a bit of sauteed red onion and garlic, a generous amount of mixed shredded cheese (monterey jack, cheddar, queso asadero and queso quesadilla courtesy of the "Mexican Blend" in the bagged shredded cheese section of the grocery store) and topped with shredded mozzarella. I served them with extra tomato and hot soppressata slices on the side. I have burgers planned for this week to use up the left over gorgonzola. Mmmm burgers topped with thickly-sliced smoked bacon and gorgonzola sound fantastic to me!

Our marathon relay team was up bright and early on Independence Day for the first ever Silicon Labs Marathon Relay. We started off with overcast skies and a breeze but the sun broke through early and temperatures rose fast. Frank's 12K run ended with a highly respectable 9:09 minute per mile pace. I started off strong in my 10K leg but things went downhill halfway through when my aggravated hamstring decided to send a searing pain all the way up into my glutes. It didn't last long but stayed aching and twinging the rest of the run. I took it as easy as I could and maintain a somewhat decent pace. The run was a hard one. It was getting very hot and because it was a relay, there wasn't a lot of company on the road. I felt very alone. Somewhere after mile 4 I started talking myself down, concentrating on how my hammie was aching, how hot and tired I felt and how isolated it seemed to be, back in the Enfield neighborhood portion of our route...I instantly felt exhausted and ready to stop. I had to turn it around, tell myself that I was close to the last mile, kick it in, just do it. It helped that an APD female runner came up behind me, shouting encouragement and some running tips. Her advice and "good job, runner!" got me through the last quarter mile. I handed off to Darla, who had a good run even though she felt like she should've been faster. Julie had a bad 10K---she looked down into her cup at the water stop and saw something floating and grossed out to the point that she didn't have any more water the rest of the way. Leslie brought it home in Jackie O style with her fashionable headband and sunglasses. Her first race was a success and now that she's gotten the running bug, we'll see her crossing more finish lines in the future. Here's a link for the Austin Fit website, Leslie. http://www.austinfit.com/ If you want to see the training schedule go to Schedules and choose Full Schedule. The password is AUSTINFIT. Look at the orange pace group and you'll see how the marathon & half marathon training is broken down. The schedule posted is last year's....this year's won't be up for another month or so. Despite the heat, the race was a good one. I was impressed with the AFD homemade "slip & slide" (fire truck spraying water over a big blue tarp) and the other activities they had set up like the rock climbing wall, children's mini waterslide and wading pool.

After a wonderful cool shower and a quick nap, I went to see "The War of the Worlds". Without spoiling it for anyone, let me say that this is the scariest movie Steven Spielberg has given us since "Jaws". It isn't horror movie boogie man scary but more of a "wow this seems real" scary. The ideas and plot line were presented in a very logical, reasonable fashion and hooked me in from the beginning. While I thought there could've been a little more character development, I think it is well worth the price of admission, popcorn, a soda and a box of candy...and that is high praise coming from me.

I hope everyone had as great of a weekend as I did!