My Problem With Erectile Dysfunction

Apparently, I can't get it up. At least that's what the bombardment of emails yesterday and today have informed me. Some samples of what I've been receiving:

• For your wife's last b-day you gave her a vibrator because of your hopeless Erectile Dysfunction. By taking our new Soft Cialis Tabs you are bound to give her the best sex ever instead of miserable "battery dick".
• You always wanted to use your penis as a billiards cue. With our new Soft Cialis Tabs you can even have sex with your ex.
• Do you want to do something useful in your life? Advice your friend Soft Cialis Tabs for the best erection.

I'm wondering...what model did I buy my wife? When did I grow a penis? And which of my friends is actually suffering from erectile dysfunction? Would a man really want to use his penis as a pool cue?

I've learned that "even if you have no erection problems, Soft Cialis will help you to make BETTER SEX MORE OFTEN and to bring unimaginable pleasure to her." Hmmm...I'd like to have sex, especially better sex and more often. But my imagination is pretty doggone active. I don't know if I could handle pleasure that is beyond my imagination. At least not without bruising and possibly a sprain or two. I kinda thought my future sex partner(s) would be male but I guess I shouldn't be so picky. After all, beggars can't be choosers.

I hope that the valid commercials for Soft Cialis Tabs have a more successful ad campaign. I tried googling it, but here's what came up (no pun intended):

• Do you want to see the fountain of sperm? Try our new Soft Cialis.
• You think you need a crane to lift your dick? Soft Cialis is the way to do it.
• Soft Cialis Tabs is the new impotence drug that everyone is talking about.
• You can drive or mix alcohol drinks with Cialis.

One website announced in large, bold font that you can get rock hard in 20 minutes and that it is the only 4 day erection. Yikes. And you guys thought it was embarrassing in junior high when you'd get up in class to write something on the chalkboard and suddenly realize you had wood. Can you imagine if it lasted 4 days? What if you popped a Soft Cialis before a date but she bails at the last minute? That's a 4 day reminder that you didn't even get to first base.