Saturday, June 25, 2005

Lost in Thought, Goodwill & My Blossoming Love Affair with Pinot Noir

It's been an interesting week. I've done a little training for my
upcoming 10K and September's half marathon but mostly I've done a lot
of thinking. Frank's been out of town and I decided to spend the ten
days he'd be gone by indulging myself. Well, aside from a pint of
Belgium Chocolate ice cream, the only indulgences I've done has been
to review my life as it is now and to clean my apartment.

I haven't spent a lot of time out with friends except for a midweek
happy hour for a much needed cocktail with Michelle and Tisa. Love
the mojitos at S. Congress Cafe---and that bartender had such pretty
eyes in a shade of blue not normally found in the natural world.
'Chelle and I did some slightly kacheery shopping at Parts & Labour
afterward. She found a tank top that is a perfect match for her saucy
style. I think I found a gift for a certain wonder twin's upcoming
birthday, too.

I've spent most of my time at my apartment, cleaning my bathroom and
kitchen before they became recognized hazardous waste sites and going
through boxes of things that don't have a home in my home. I've stuck
to a brutal "have I used this/seen this/thought of this/missed this in
the last 2 years?" attitude which has netted three jumbo trashbags and
one box so far for the fine folks at Goodwill. I've also thrown out a
bag full of clothing too worn out for even street people to be seen in
and of material not suited for cleaning rags. All this sorting and
decisions on what stays in my life and what gets the boot had me
reflecting on my life in general.

Here is what I've come up with: I am happy. For the first time in a
long time, I don't feel like I'm still chasing rainbows and that
elusive pot of gold. I have a fantastic circle of friends, my parents
are settling down into a more normal semblance of life now that Dad's
health is improving, my job is interesting and I like my workmates,
Adrian has been cleared to leave foster care behind and become an
adoptive placement, and I have a terrific love life. I appreciate
what I have and for once I'm not going to waste energy thinking about
what I may still want or what others may perceive is lacking in my
life. I'm simply going to enjoy.

Don't get me wrong---I'm not giving up on the important things I still want for myself. Instead, I'm concentrating on appreciating what I have right now instead of stressing out over what I don't have and worrying about it. I have to stop treating life as if most of the things I want to experience come with an expiration notice. Granted, some things must be done in a certain timeframe, if they'll be done at all. But the only big one there is motherhood, and we don't know for sure if I have passed that "sell by" date already. I waited this long for very good reasons and if I've reached the point of no return for pregnancy, it is all my own doing and I accept that. I'd rather go through life knowing that responsibility won out than have a child whose first years in this world were with a bad mother. Let's face it: my twenties and early thirties were not conducted in a manner befitting responsible parenting. If I'd had a kiddo already, we'd all be counseling by now.

On a much lighter note, while I've been vacillating between ditching
belongings and/or hanging on to them, I've also watched a few movies.
I don't recommend "Trick" for any reason except to fast forward to the
scenes where the street hustler is shirtless. Then hit pause & stare.
I watched "Sideways" and didn't enjoy it...but it spurred me to buy a
bottle of Mirassou Pinot Noir and do my own taste test. I chose
blindly, my only stipulation is that I didn't want to spend more than
$10, but all was well. The pinot noir was smooth and deep without
being bitter or harsh. I look forward to many more glasses of the
dark cherry and slightly smoky flavored wine. The color is very
pretty, too, a rich ruby hue.

Tomorrow I'll get up early for a 5K run and then finish my cleaning. I expect to have several more boxes for Goodwill soon.
Until my next post, cheers!

1 comment:

Sean said...

Trick was hilarious!

"Have you ever had cum in your eye? It BUUUUURRRRNNNNSSSSS"

I watched it three or four times IN A ROW.

Yeah, I'm pathetic