Monday, March 12, 2007

It's All About Me

The inside joke about my blog title is that 90% of the time it isn't All About Me. I'm tireless in my volunteer work as well as my support of friends and family. In fact, I think I tend to overextend often. I've found in the last month or so that at least once I week I'm exhausted and wondering why in the world I found it necessary to schedule so many activities into a small timeframe. But I thrive on being everyone's cheerleader.

My extracurriculars span from my running/walking group, Austin Fit, my cycling team the Cap City Cyclists, various work at race expos and water stops, organizing cheer squads for races and triathlons and more. I just passed my three year anniversary as a Meals on Wheels delivery person. I help promote my favorite bands and burlesque troops, especially The Humiliators, where I'm in charge of Panties To Be Thrown Onstage. I recently joined the planning committee for a 5K walk/run for my Hispanic business womens' networking group, Las Comadres. I'm waiting to hear if a local triathlete group needs help with coordinating volunteers for various events, too.

All of my free time fun stuff is designed to not only bring me pleasure but also to help me become part of a bigger portion of life. I don't want to come home every day and make dinner before sitting on the couch in front of the television for hours. I want to live life, not watch it on cable.

Now the other ten percent of the time, when I want it to be All About Me, is when I have legitimate needs. There are times when I need to feel needed. When I need to feel important to someone and need acknowledgement and support and hell, sometimes just a thank you.

For half my life I came second. I am the younger of twins. My sister emerged into this world a few minutes ahead of me and was large and in charge. Before you think oooh, how hateful commenting on someone's build let me just say that Kim was 5lbs, 15 oz and I was 3lbs, 13oz. So yes, she was large and in charge. For half my life, or even a bit more, Kim was primary and what she said, went. She was born alpha.

Kim spent the rest of our childhood and young adult years being the decision maker. We used to joke that it was Kim's way or the highway. She was older by minutes and so by nature took the lead. Trust me when I say that she still has no problem telling me what I should & should not be doing. It's all out of love, of course.

Growing up the younger twin instilled in me the desire to take care of others first, to be the organizer, the caretaker and the mother. Why? Maybe because I was taken care of for so long. C'mon, I didn't even get my driver's license until I was 18 because Kim drove us everywhere. It also fashioned me into the being the peacemaker. Kim was much more opinionated and strong willed than me. (And I mean that in a nice way, Kim). I was always the one who wanted to soothe ruffled feathers, mediate between hurt parties and above all, bring comfortable and agreeable closure to painful or hurtful events. It's taken me a long time to learn I don't always have to "fix" things.

Oddly enough, Kim became a social worker. I became....well, my career choices have never been a good definition of me. You can find "Kay" in the dictionary and see that the first entry for the noun is one for the "rude, boastful foster brother and steward of King Arthur" and the second entry informs you that it is a female or male given name from a Greek word meaning "rejoice".

Hmmm...I do have an unnatural attraction to Arthurian legend. I found this information about Sir Kay, one of the Three Enchanters of England: "nine nights and nine days his breath lasted under water, nine nights and nine days would he be without sleep. A wound from Cai's sword no physician might heal. When it pleased him, he would be as tall as the tallest tree in the forest. When the rain was heaviest, whatever he held in his hand would be dry for a handbreadth before and behind, because of the greatness of his heat, and, when his companions were coldest, he would be as fuel for them to light a fire".

{Blogger's Note: The part about heat is true. Anyone who has shared a bed with me knows I'm a heatilator. I put out enough BTU's to light up a small town. However, the part about the water is so not me.}

I think a better definition for me would be something like this: loves hard, lives fully, looks ahead to wonderful things yet to come. A woman who fills her life with good friends and family, freely gives of herself to those she cares for, laughs daily and often at herself, is loyal like a good Labrador retriever, and wishes everyone, including herself, every happiness the world has to offer.

Yeah, I don't measure up to my own definition but at least I have goals. And so now you know why it's only sometimes All About Me but it is always All About Those I Love. I give up my weekend mornings with no second thoughts when a friend needs to see a cheering, smiling face at a tough mile marker. I jump in and help out when asked and often volunteer before I'm asked. I give, and in giving I receive. I'm happy and thankful and moving forward in this crazy world of mine.

It's good to be All About Me.


it's only fuel said...

You are so funny:) This was a great post. I find myself being alpha and it's good to read things like this to remember this a different personality type in the world that deserves equal playtime.

It is all about you Kim. Your blog = YOUR world:)

lol @ heatilater:)

Kay said...

Thanks for the compliments. :-)